


Our Best Intentions Never Lit the World on Fire

by blueabsinthe



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Vancouver Canucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-13
Updated: 2013-05-13
Packaged: 2017-12-11 17:56:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/801492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueabsinthe/pseuds/blueabsinthe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The end to their season hadn't ended at all like he expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Best Intentions Never Lit the World on Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Post Game four loss to the San Jose Sharks in the 2013 Stanley Cup Playoffs. Title from the Matt Nathanson song, "Detroit Waves".

If someone were to ask Cory Schneider how he pictured the 2012-2013 hockey season ending, his response would be “Not the way it did.”

No one wishes for their off-season to start. Cory was not an exception to that rule. It is almost an unspoken given. Every player, on any post-regular season team, always wishes to stay in the playoff race for as long as possible. Except, on Tuesday, May 7th 2013, the Vancouver Canucks were swept by the sixth seeded San Jose Sharks, on an overtime goal by Patrick Marleau.

The ride back to the hotel is done in silence. The loss weighs heavily on his mind as he fiddles with the cuffs on his dress shirt. He cannot bear to look at any of his teammates. Cory feels like he is carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

When Cory wakes tomorrow, the elevator ride up to his hotel room will feel like watching an old film reel. Some of the edges sharp, other parts a blur. He figures it was appropriate, considering the loss feels like he is watching an old silent movie. 

Marleau's goal replays over and over in his mind. It moves fast, and then slow, until Cory is dizzy. His feet feel like they are sinking in the expensive, lush carpeting as he steps out of the elevator and heads down the hall to his room. 

He has not been in his room for more than a couple minutes, before he hears a soft, subdued knock on the door. Roberto leans casually against the doorjamb as Cory slowly opens his door. 

"It's not your fault," Roberto blurts out, dark eyes meeting Cory's across the space.

Cory stares at him for a second. Then, his shoulders sag, and he is opening the door wider for Roberto. "You may as well come in, since you're here."

He sinks down heavily onto the bed, presses his palms against his eyes, and leans back against the cool linen. The next words he says are in a haggard whisper. "I let everyone down."

The silence is heavy, and long. It hangs in the air like every unspoken thought Cory has ever had about this past season. He feels the mattress shift as Roberto lays down next to him. "Don't talk like that."

"You'll pardon me if I don't take you at your word right now."

"No leap of faith this time?" Roberto says, a slight hint of humour skirting the edges of his voice. His fingers move gently over the tops of Cory's knuckles. 

"I don't know where to go from _here_ ," Cory admits, and he realizes how asinine that must sound to Roberto - his tone catching on the word 'here'. "I feel like everything is spinning out of control, and it's all I can do to try and keep up."

Roberto is quiet for so long Cory is almost tempted to break into nervous ramblings of everything he thinks may happen in the off-season. Roberto clears his throat, and Cory turns his head to look at him. 

"If you spend all this time in your own head, you'll find yourself being left behind," Roberto says.

Cory feels his world tilt on its axis as he digests Roberto's words. Tries to look for the underlying message in them. He feels like he moves slower than a puck as it cross the blueline, and he cannot help but think everything this year has changed as much as two plus two equaling four. Which, of course, begs the question of where to go from here. He knows they both cannot still have a future in the Canucks organization. 

It is a thought he hadn't wanted to think about, but now it is all he can focus on, as he catches and holds Roberto's gaze. The space between them like a canyon, buzzing with every single thought he has ever had ( _How you still manage to keep your composure with all the scrutiny still amazes me even now. I look at you and I wish there was some way this whole fucked up situation could be resolved. I don't know how all these fuck ups are expected to make things better, but somehow it is_ ).

Roberto is all soft edges - the dark curls of his hair are loose, a thin sheen of perspiration pooling at his temples - each line blurring into the next. Cory trembles slightly as he stares at Roberto, taking in every possible detail he can. He wants to commit every possible line and curve to memory. Wants to touch his skin, press his palm against the flesh and keep it there for a long while. He could get lost for days in the depths of Roberto's eyes if he was allowed. 

"Would being left behind be so bad?" he blurts out without thinking.

Roberto doesn't say anything, just curls his fingers around Cory's wrist. The air around them is thick, the edges around Roberto fuzzy, but Cory forces himself to concentrate. "What I mean, is … is it possible to move forward but want to stay in one place?"

Cory feels Roberto press a warm hand against his hipbone, drawing him closer. He presses his lips against Cory's forehead. It was chaste, meant to be comforting. "Maybe some other time."

Unspoken: _maybe in another time. Or place. But not moving forward from here._

Cory's heart skips a beat, and he swallows thickly around the lump in his throat as he nods his acquiescence. "Will you stay the night?" 

"Yes," Roberto says, squeezing Cory's hand gently. "Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise," Roberto whispers.

Cory is silent in Roberto's arms, bereft of speech. The words stick in his throat, but he senses Roberto knows. 

_We all fall down_ … is Cory's last conscious thought.

He lets Roberto's hand rest warmly in his, until sleep comes for him, dragging both him and Roberto down.

**Author's Note:**

> Roberto's line: "Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise" is a quote by Victor Hugo.


End file.
